"People comes and go, I'm just like some trains station people pass by everyday." -Mavis

how true.

--

I wonder why I suffered the exact same fate as last year.
the last game I remember playing was well, the last game of the first round of zonals.

all of a sudden, something goes wrong.
I'm going in as Center, just like that.
I'm playing in the first round of nationals, and a very strong school.
without even getting to play WD during training.

and the expected happens,
and I screw the game.



people (especially nicolelim),
DONT BLAME YOURSELVES,
because I know I was at fault.
I went in,
and the game screwed.

gosh. this is gonna follow me like a shadow.
I was afraid to throw that lobe. but nicole nodded at me.

I throw right into the defender's hands.
how great right.

I threw away a thousand center passes.
guess I'm suited for the bench.
I shouldn't have even bothered to play my best because,
I shouldn't have the thought of redeeming myself because,
I'll be screwed forever and ever and ever
and the first line up is doing fine. why am I stupid enough to emo about not playing when the fact is when I play I'll emo even more because the price of me playing would be the team losing.

what the hell is going wrong with me.

--

I'm wondering if someday I should get over thousands of things I haven't gotten over that I should get over thousand years ago and let go and move on with my life.
these things are definitely worthy of attention, but I can't afford to spend energy on them now.
its wasting my time without a considerably good harvest.

--

I don't know why but I'm just feeling freaking sorry for myself.
crap I hell load need service. just two weeks yall know, and I've screwed myself up.

I'm feeling suicidal although I know very clearly its a sin.

--

took 138 and passed mayflower.
didn't particularly recognise anyone on the streets because basically the afternoon session compromises of p1s and p2s that only start attending school after I graduated.

I feel sorry for my loss of innocence like those in the new mayflower PE-attire.

--

I always thought I was mature enough to control myself from emoing.
YES, I know its childish but what can I do?
people even get irritated when I start emoing.
orelse, I'll be rotting myself away there pathetically with not even a single soul realising I'm feeling unhappy.

as I type this i feel contradiction, SERIOUS one.
I am a hypocrite and that's it.

--

"乌龟鱼儿不要打到你的壳."
I wish I could once again stand by that same pond and throw in the stones I picked from the floor after making a wish with huiming, or vivien.

--

twenty-second attempt.

Labels: emo?, get on, mayflower, netball, netballers, pictures, pondside wishes, service