do you miss warmth ?
ive nv gt tht feeling for a super long time .
i miss tht feeling .
i miss those days whn i feel it .
those days includes days tht i spent w/ you ,
and mayflower .

i love th feeling of warmth .
idk why i get it no longer .
arrgh whts wrong w/ me being so random .
T.T
cnt hlp it .
..

andddd i also miss days whn i was so darn innocent .
like ya knw ,
i look at those pics on my blog ,
and i realise tht those of me smiling happily
were days i really missed .
whn no worries haunted me ,
whn i didnt hv to worry abt anything .

a year is almost gone ,
my head is spinning ,
its really unbelievable cm think of it .
how i survived w/o you for a year .
and how i made new friends in sch .
and how i pesevere my life .

cm think of it it feels like a dream .
my life is so unreal .
i wonder if im an immortal tht lives in heaven ,
and now slping and dreaming if thr was such thing tht exist called the earth ,
and how i lived on it w/ flesh and blood ,
with love and hate .
smthg noone will evr experience in heaven .
smtimes whn i bathe i recall my feeling of love .
i dont get it myself .

i can no longer differenciate my dreams frm reality .
im serious .
im nt being emo .
im really nt being emo .
dont say im emo okay .

i can really feel th magnetic field in my heart going haywire .
its like spinning like a magnet tht cannot identify north pole and south pole .
wht kind of feeling do you call this .
arrgh this was th feeling i had whn i actually told felicia to swear at me all she wnt and i wont care .
wdh .
i hate this feeling .

gimme back my warmth ,
gimme back my love and hate .
gimme any feeling bt this !






(my soul travels through vacuum space)
(silence is observed)







i feel a mixture now .
arrgh wdh .
i super scared .

i wna cry alr .

now i knw watching taiwan drama series can be bad too .
now i really scared alr .
THANK YOU 湘琴 MANZXC !
zomg .
now i scared alr .
i scared i blind .
i really really really scared i blind .
;X

i dont wna get blind .
i wna get married .
i wna give birth to babies tht dont carry my lousy genes .
i wna be healthy .

night blindness seems like an excuse .
smtimes i dont wna tell ppl .
cos they view it as an excuse .
cos they view it as me asking for pity .
i dont wnt ppl to hate me for cming out w/ excuses .
neither do i wnt ppl to hate me for wnting their pity .

one day i awake and i dont see anthg .
i see black .
i wonder if im imagining things .
i wonder if smone stuck glue on my eyelids .
bt th fact is ive gone blind .
forevr unable to identify colours .
a stick to bring me arnd .

the world whirls .
i cry .
i feel tears ,
i dont see thm .

one by one ,
ppl arnd me find me a burden .
im stuck at a crossroad .
3 ways arnd my life :

live with independence by leaving everyone ?
live as a burden to them ?
or .. end it ?

im lost .
pls dont forget im blind .
pls hold my hand to lead me to th traffic lights .

Labels: dream, him/deepest darkest secret, mayflower, night blindness/NUH checkups, relook at my blog, taiwan drama series, wierd feeling