i saw an airplane fly past just now.

yes. an airplane.

you might think its just another thing that take off and land at airports with two metal wings.

you are so wrong.

they mean alot to me.

alot.

i was staring at the puddles left by rain that cruelly left me with the sunlight.

then there was this sound of an airplane flying past.

i immediately looked up, expecting one.

it was right there, gliding with its strong, metal wings. elegantly.

it just took off, and was heading for the stars up above.

i stood there and stared at the megastructure fly higher, and higher, once again going upwards and leaving me just like the rain.

there was only one thought in my head at that instant: "dont leave me."

and i ran after it. faster and faster, oblivious of the bulky bag that was dragged behind me, slowing me down.

the airplane was like the bag, oblivious, towards a girl that was chasing it, hoping that i wont leave her. all alone.

higher and higher it went, just like the rain that evaporates.

i saw it flinging itself in the arms of a white cloud, and it was gone forever.

believe me. i am holding back tears right at this instant while i type.

you might think i am joking. but its true.

you might think how stupid for me to go after a plane that can never be stopped by me, running with a heavy and bulky bag, hoping for it to wait for me, hoping for it to not leave me alone.

but its true that i ran after the plane, hoping it can wait for me, and bring me to soar in it with its metal wings elegantly.

you might think i am so stupid. so so stupid. but i done it for a purpose.
a meaning.
a reason.
an aspiration.
a fantasy within me.
a dream.
a belief.









ask yourself. what is the feeling when you go after something you sought for, work hard for, desperate for?

that was the feeling when i went after it.
it signifies my dream, my aspiration, my belief.








it meant alot. to me.

i thought of the plane being my dream of becoming something.
i thought of the plane being the unreachable things i yearn for.
i thought of the plane being the evaporating rain.
i thought of the plane being him.
i thought of the plane being my leaving belief.
i thought of the plane being the loved ones that leave me.

i thought of the plane being a plane,
taking off to somewhere else without me.
leaving me alone.
all alone in the light.
all alone without a dream.
all alone without a belief.

the dream of being a pilot
right at that instant broke once again.
breaking my heart at the same time.

my aspiration
my dream
my belief
of soaring, gliding...
is all ended up in nothing.
nothing at all.









when i stand and stare at a plane next time
i'll remember to ask myself
"why the person in that cockpit was never me?"
and i believe
once again
another tear will form in my eye
ready to fall anytime
as it leaves me once again.

Labels: ambitions, emo, essay, night blindness/NUH checkups